reminder: depression happens. and the opening it provides does too.

I was wondering why, these last couple of days, even when my period and pms symptoms subsided, was I still feeling so lethargic, and unmotivated, and lifeless almost.  Then I remembered – I have chronic depression.  And it is not something that goes away permanently every time I feel ‘good’ again.

I think sometimes we tend to want to avoid very uncertain or despondent feelings like this and just want to power through with whatever we planned to be on track with, not taking time to rearrange and deal with the unexpected.  It never works like this especially if you deal with any mental/emotional health issue.  I was being really hard on myself, feeling angry about why I couldn’t just get up and go outside or enjoy the routine I had going this past month.  I was trying to override this “fatigue” and finding loopholes to snap out of it.  But it doesn’t work that way and it’s never worked that way, so why did I still try ?

Continue reading reminder: depression happens. and the opening it provides does too.

the middle road

It’s hard to put all of your self as you are in this moment out there without the muddling of visions of past selves popping in and out, isn’t it ?

There are times , maybe even plenty , where you are enjoying your progress and your strengths and your seeming lack of fragmentation. Then something or someone from your past comes back around to test you , literally on a soul level.

You always wish and hope that the same patterns won’t be played around. That you won’t revert back totally. But maybe that’s just it … we kind of are scared of lack of perfection. We don’t want to admit that every moment will still be imperfect and we get stuck in an all or nothing frame of view.

Continue reading the middle road