It’s hard to put all of your self as you are in this moment out there without the muddling of visions of past selves popping in and out, isn’t it ?
There are times , maybe even plenty , where you are enjoying your progress and your strengths and your seeming lack of fragmentation. Then something or someone from your past comes back around to test you , literally on a soul level.
You always wish and hope that the same patterns won’t be played around. That you won’t revert back totally. But maybe that’s just it … we kind of are scared of lack of perfection. We don’t want to admit that every moment will still be imperfect and we get stuck in an all or nothing frame of view.
We want to “learn our lessons” utterly and totally and not only do we want that , we moreso want it let be known that we did. We don’t want people knowing we are almost always in limbo , stuck between still mending the past and recreating a different kind of future , “not there yet”. Because it’s too hard for us to explain and too hard for us not to have a full comprehensive narrative to tell ourselves.
It’s hard to put yourself out there and activate your inner progress with the outer world where you are still apart of everything else. It’s hard but we must try and fail to veil our inner space over other aspects of reality and life over and over again. Fear of regression never stops, but it can lessen as we see that mistakes need to be made every step of the way. And to accept wholeheartedly the imperfection of being and learning and living.
We have to literally stop and let the incoming workings of universe or whatever seep through. You can’t take it as a only a notion and that notion will protect you like a crucifix everywhere you go. It’s a moment to moment kind of bravery. You are already wise without the embedding of verbal information.
You can only make real change in the presence of something , not in the absence , avoidance , or abstraction of it.