feelings as identity

My identity has been based off of transient feelings and I’ve been confusing who I am with what I feel in myself as well as what I feel from others. When you start to see blue all around you , you start feeling like you are blue yourself. It’s an absorption of the senses and being overwhelmed by it.

Regarding confusing my own feelings with feelings I pick up from others, I didn’t know how to disassociate or distinguish and keep it out of my body system. When a rock hits you, naive you thinks it had to have been seemingly thrown at you. So you start to think something is wrong with you because you are hurt. You then identify with the hurt as if it was you. Because if you keep being hit and hurt forever, you mistake yourself as one bleeding wound you can’t manage to sew up.

The resolution is to be aware of what is out there being thrown and to shield yourself with being impersonal and a little more detached. Not coldly , but knowing that just because the rain is hitting you , it doesn’t mean it is aiming for you and only there to cause you misery. You learn to nonchalantly carry an umbrella and go on your way. Your own feelings that gets conjured up in you also can be stepped back from , like being aware you are about to step into a puddle as it’s being formed.

Feelings are like beliefs in that way and beliefs systems often carry people away because we are deceivingly convinced that it keeps us alive. All these feelings have muddled in my mind and I’ve confused them with who I am at my core. Just because I’ve felt ugliness does not mean I am ugly. Just because I’ve felt unbearable shame does not mean something is fundamentally wrong with me.  The embarrassment I sense from other people does not mean I have something to be embarrassed about also. The real essence of me and you is very much independent from that. I feel like if I know that and catch myself more , I won’t have such an inferiority complex or view myself as so flawed anymore.

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