musings of the heart

it’s a strange thing when in order to prove that you are strong, you have to deny what it is that makes you most human. as if the sound of your heart racing will echo into all distances and make you suddenly sniffed out as prey to be capsized.

we slow our hearts down so much for this as if to make it seem like we don’t even own one. as if the racing of our minds and other things are better. as if the flush on our skins will make us too susceptible to being found out. found out for what ? for having emotions and inner lives, which needn’t be a secret anymore in this day and age. we are equipped and have always been equipped with something that will lead us ultimately out of the dark.

the attempt to mute your heart’s palpitations has one side of your body melting to the ground from lack of use and from the lack of belief that its audibility will do you any good. you’ve grown to think of it as dead weight in which you have no choice but to carry… and even further for some of us, it becomes likened to the shroud of a corpse we’ve killed and don’t want anyone, let alone ourselves, finding out about.

so the organ that keeps us most alive is minimized and downsized by all the energy we put into not feeling it pulse at the forefront of us. we associate it with a need to hide and as something to overcome instead of feeling what it is signaling to us and how it is nourishing us. we’ve become lopsided from trying to make ourselves so congruent with some kind of ideal, that we forget congruency is about two sides finding the strength to hold up the other. reciprocation. balance. not domination. not one-sidedness.

just because your heart’s workings is not firstly communicated with language, like your mind might be, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need to somehow be filtered out of you and be recognized also. fortify it by letting it beat louder.

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